It has almost been a month now since I last talked to my own mother. The last conversation went something like this --> Me: I don't think you treat people right. You keep treating me as if I am 15 years old and still living under your roof. And you treat others much worse. Why can't you admit that you have faults and that your actions can really hurt others? Her: I treat people just fine and I don't have any blame for the bad things that happen to others. You all have disrespected me.
I truly wish that this wasn't a typical conversation, but this conversation has played out in a number of forms for much of the past twenty years. Without going into too much details, I think she acts a lot like her own mother. Codependency, emotional eating (and hiding food when others are around), and blaming everyone else but herself for the mistakes in her life are constants. To make matters worse, I'm 99% sure she lives vicariously through others as she never leaves the house except to work.
Admittedly, this post is perhaps more of a method to rant about the frustrations of a relationship I desperately wish was better and healthier. I know my own mother has failed to live up to my expectations of an ideal, nourishing mother and has, instead, repeatedly disappointed me with childish behavior, poor health habits, and emotionally stunting grudges she holds against others. While I want to make amends, I am debating where the line should be drawn. I am getting too old and tired to deal with the drama. Tough love maybe?
