It has almost been a month now since I last talked to my own mother. The last conversation went something like this --> Me: I don't think you treat people right. You keep treating me as if I am 15 years old and still living under your roof. And you treat others much worse. Why can't you admit that you have faults and that your actions can really hurt others? Her: I treat people just fine and I don't have any blame for the bad things that happen to others. You all have disrespected me.
I truly wish that this wasn't a typical conversation, but this conversation has played out in a number of forms for much of the past twenty years. Without going into too much details, I think she acts a lot like her own mother. Codependency, emotional eating (and hiding food when others are around), and blaming everyone else but herself for the mistakes in her life are constants. To make matters worse, I'm 99% sure she lives vicariously through others as she never leaves the house except to work.
Admittedly, this post is perhaps more of a method to rant about the frustrations of a relationship I desperately wish was better and healthier. I know my own mother has failed to live up to my expectations of an ideal, nourishing mother and has, instead, repeatedly disappointed me with childish behavior, poor health habits, and emotionally stunting grudges she holds against others. While I want to make amends, I am debating where the line should be drawn. I am getting too old and tired to deal with the drama. Tough love maybe?
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Thursday, December 20, 2012
The Most Amazing Apple Pie!
As you may or may not know, I have been on a mission to be a better, healthier person. As part of that mission I have pledge to learn how to make meals and whatnot from scratch. I figured that buying meals and desserts pre-made is a short-cut that will lead to disaster for my health. This has been quite challenging to satisfy my sweet tooth. I suppose that since I am such as sweet person (haha! that cracks me up just to type that) that I will always need sweet stuff to eat. I love pies, cookies, cakes, dark chocolate, pudding....essentially I am a lover of all desserts.
My attempts to make cakes has been less than a success. After six attempts, I finally got a pumpkin cake that is approved by the man of the house (who doesn't like pumpkin I should note!). After ten attempts, I am still confused to why my vanilla bean cake either falls in the middle or ends up too dry. After three attempts, I think my chocolate cake is good but too rich for the palette of most. It fell in the center the first two attempts but on the third it held up nice. My only concern is that if I make it again I might be sending someone to the hospital for a serious food buzz.
My cookie ventures have been a bit more successful than my cake baking attempts. Sugar cookies, both the cut-out and drop varieties, have been good. Snicker doodles were...okay. The biggest disaster have been chocolate chip cookies. I have no idea what I did but those little things came out a deflated hot mess...twice. The story of my cookie ventures is representative of my other dessert attempts for the most part. Half of the time my adventures end up good (such as banana pudding) and sometimes they end up not so great. However, I have had higher success rates with making pies. My most recent conquest is my apple crumb pie. This recipe is not for the faint of heart. Like most food I make, it is delicately rich and I go by smell to primarily dictate how much spice to include. So, I will list the spices and let you decide how much to include. I include at least 1/4 tsp of each as a rule of thumb.
What You'll Need:
1 pie crust (Sorry, I won't let my secret recipe out the bag. There is a family history with this thing.)
Filling
4-6 cups peeled and slice tart apples (I use Granny Smith)
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup & 2 tbsp all-purpose flour
Cinnamon, Nutmeg, All Spice
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp lemon juice
Splash vanila extract
Splash of water
Crumb Topping
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour
4 tbsp butter, softened
Directions
1) Line bottom and sides of pie dish with the pie crust.
2) In a large pot on medium heat, combine filling ingredients. Warm apples until soft.
3) While apples are cooking, preheat oven to 400˚ and combine crumb mixture. To combine crumb mixture, use a fork to break apart butter and then use hands to achieve cornmeal texture. Set this aside.
4) Once apples are soft, pour into pie dish piling apples towards the center. To get the crumbed topping, squeeze a handful of the mixture until firm then loosely drop on top of pie. Repeat as desired.
5) Bake for 40-50 minutes or until topping is browned.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
The Irritating Semicolon
I was reminded this past week while grading papers why at least twice a semester I grow to despise and truly hate the semicolon. It is not that I hate the use of the semicolon, and nor I am suggesting that my grammar and punctuation is anywhere close to perfect. However, in the hands newly minted college students (i.e. college freshmen) the semicolon seems to be used in such creative ways that would make any literate person mad. Instead of commas, there is the semicolon. Instead of periods, there is the semicolon. Instead of apostrophes, there is the semicolon. Instead of colons, there is the semicolon.
I have yet to figure out why there is the overuse of the semicolon in undergraduate papers. I've seen some students insert the semicolon so often into a 2-4 page paper that it rivals the same frequency of use as all other punctuation marks combined. This is troubling to me for a number of reasons. First, as often stated in a number of other scenarios, this semicolon dilemma is symptomatic of a larger problem in the U.S. - failing education system. I know that the U.S. is behind most other industrialized nations in terms of primary or K-12 education. Yet, there is still a mounting pressure to send kids off to college here in the hopes of better career. I can't fathom why we send woefully under-prepared kids into college with the expectation that the college will correct any problems with students' abilities. Second, I also find it troublesome that often these kids are passed through classes without the faintest idea that they are not producing high quality work. If you are reading this and are in academia, you surely have felt the pressure at some point to give higher grades than is warranted. I cringe at the though that a kid that truly deserves a C will get a B simply because an individual wants to avoid confrontation with the student. This cannot be good for the job market or the student. Sooner or later the student will fall short and may not be able to handle the situation appropriately. Perhaps this is why my generation is getting labelled as entitled (and that really sucks).
I have yet to figure out why there is the overuse of the semicolon in undergraduate papers. I've seen some students insert the semicolon so often into a 2-4 page paper that it rivals the same frequency of use as all other punctuation marks combined. This is troubling to me for a number of reasons. First, as often stated in a number of other scenarios, this semicolon dilemma is symptomatic of a larger problem in the U.S. - failing education system. I know that the U.S. is behind most other industrialized nations in terms of primary or K-12 education. Yet, there is still a mounting pressure to send kids off to college here in the hopes of better career. I can't fathom why we send woefully under-prepared kids into college with the expectation that the college will correct any problems with students' abilities. Second, I also find it troublesome that often these kids are passed through classes without the faintest idea that they are not producing high quality work. If you are reading this and are in academia, you surely have felt the pressure at some point to give higher grades than is warranted. I cringe at the though that a kid that truly deserves a C will get a B simply because an individual wants to avoid confrontation with the student. This cannot be good for the job market or the student. Sooner or later the student will fall short and may not be able to handle the situation appropriately. Perhaps this is why my generation is getting labelled as entitled (and that really sucks).
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Shop Like a Man?
For some awful reason I turned on The Today Show this week and saw a segment called "Shop Like a Man." According to the segment, men and women shop different. They sketched out how men shop with "blinders on", which means they go in and get what they need and get out, while women are more likely to browse, which ends up in a higher bill. In addition to pointing out how men differ from women, they mention a number of other influences that lead to higher than intended bills such as shopping with friends or physically picking up an item.
For a number of reasons I would have liked to have went through the TV and smacked everyone participating in this segment. Here's why:
In my household, I do 99.9% of the shopping. This covers everything from trips to the grocery store, Home Depot, Pet Smart, etc. If the man of the house needs some attachment for the air compressor, I'm the one that goes and gets it. If the man of the house needs some some new tire valve covers, I'm the one that goes and gets it. If the man of the house wants some Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies, I'm the one that goes and gets it. Shopping is an allergy to the man of the house. So, if something is bought in this household, I'm the one that does the buying.
About 99.9% of the time all my shopping trips are planned. I have my list (see my previous post on price-matching at Wal-Mart) and targeted stores. I usually do not go out shopping unless there is something I need or would like to replace. This includes shopping for clothes. I go out only when I know something needs to be replaced or buying something for a special event, which isn't often. Only during .01% of the time do I derive from my shopping list or intended destination. Most of these impulse buys are the result of one of two things. 1) I am pre-emptively buying something for the man of the house because he would really like it or something that I know he will eventually discover he wants. So, under this scenario, I'm buying for someone else and not myself. 2) While shopping for clothes, I see some item not on my original list that is either really effing amazing or something that is on super discount that would be amazing in my wardrobe. In this case, it is a 50/50 chance that the item will eventually go back. Some items that I have found under such scenario include silver earrings for $4, a silver bracelet for $5, and tights for $10. I have not regretted any of these purchases simply because of the number of complements I have received.
So, my point is that since I do most of the shopping and there is only a small fraction of the time (unscientifically verified of course) that I do derive from the shopping list does not make me any different of a shopper than a man. If anything it just makes it to where I have greater opportunity to derive. If me and the man of the house were to shop equally, I guarantee you that he would forget items off the list and even drag in some questionable items. Luckily for me, I'm the only one shopping on Black Friday or I would be curious to know what random items would be returning to the house without me knowing.
For a number of reasons I would have liked to have went through the TV and smacked everyone participating in this segment. Here's why:
In my household, I do 99.9% of the shopping. This covers everything from trips to the grocery store, Home Depot, Pet Smart, etc. If the man of the house needs some attachment for the air compressor, I'm the one that goes and gets it. If the man of the house needs some some new tire valve covers, I'm the one that goes and gets it. If the man of the house wants some Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies, I'm the one that goes and gets it. Shopping is an allergy to the man of the house. So, if something is bought in this household, I'm the one that does the buying.
About 99.9% of the time all my shopping trips are planned. I have my list (see my previous post on price-matching at Wal-Mart) and targeted stores. I usually do not go out shopping unless there is something I need or would like to replace. This includes shopping for clothes. I go out only when I know something needs to be replaced or buying something for a special event, which isn't often. Only during .01% of the time do I derive from my shopping list or intended destination. Most of these impulse buys are the result of one of two things. 1) I am pre-emptively buying something for the man of the house because he would really like it or something that I know he will eventually discover he wants. So, under this scenario, I'm buying for someone else and not myself. 2) While shopping for clothes, I see some item not on my original list that is either really effing amazing or something that is on super discount that would be amazing in my wardrobe. In this case, it is a 50/50 chance that the item will eventually go back. Some items that I have found under such scenario include silver earrings for $4, a silver bracelet for $5, and tights for $10. I have not regretted any of these purchases simply because of the number of complements I have received.
So, my point is that since I do most of the shopping and there is only a small fraction of the time (unscientifically verified of course) that I do derive from the shopping list does not make me any different of a shopper than a man. If anything it just makes it to where I have greater opportunity to derive. If me and the man of the house were to shop equally, I guarantee you that he would forget items off the list and even drag in some questionable items. Luckily for me, I'm the only one shopping on Black Friday or I would be curious to know what random items would be returning to the house without me knowing.
Monday, November 19, 2012
For the Love of Baking
Baking, along with cooking, is one activity that calms me down and relieves stress. It is right up there with exercising. Along with yoga and my jump rope, the simple activity of crafting culinary deliciousness puts my mind back on track, and, to be honest, it is probably perfect that I love exercising as much as baking as it prevents me developing my own muffin tops.Yet, this wasn't always the case.
As a teenager and in my early 20's I would scarf down whatever sat in front of me that was salty, high in sugar or high in fat. Something happened after I moved from the South to Colorado for grad school. I gained weight and was depressed. I suspect that both were the primary result of that grad school plague, and particularly the Ph.D. plague, of constantly wondering why you made such a bad life decision. It took 2 years and a bought of sickness that lasted 7 months but I finally got my act together and started realizing that short cuts in cooking were killing the pleasure of food and were perhaps adding to my waistline. So, I made a decision to avoid pre-made, processed food that allowed for quick dinners and short cuts to eating. From that point forward, for my mental and physical health, I would join in on the slow food movement and eat minimally processed foods. In other words, if I was going eat cake, I was going to make it myself. If I was going to eat anything deep fried, then I was going to figure out how to do it and be responsible for cleaning up the mess. This was the most liberating decision I have ever made. It was more liberating than leaving behind my family and everything I have ever know and venturing 1,500 miles away from home with the mere promise of a TA position and tuition coverage.
It's now been a year and half since I made this decision a number of things have changed. 1) I am now smaller than what I was a year ago. I have only lost 5 pounds in fat but gained 8 pounds in muscle. I am now a lean muscle machine that lost approximately 15-18 inches on my body. I must admit I now like watching myself dance in the mirror. 2) I don't miss 99.9% of the "short cut" foods or take out from fast food places. In fact, eating fast food make me feel sick now. I would much rather chow down on a salad or soup than a hamburger or French fries. Go figure. 3) I have became much more saavy baker. I can now bake a variety of cakes, pies, and cookies from scratch and in high altitude. I was originally discouraged because a number of high altitude disasters, such as the center of the cake falling or horrible texture, but now can bake items that are the equivalent to store bought confections. 4) My spice variety has increased exponentially. This means less cabinet space but at least my cooking is bad ass. My current obsession is fennel seed. 5) I found out I love soup and stews. I always hated the canned variety and found more restaurant soups to be bland. Now I have a recipe repertoire bulging on over 30 varieties. My favorite to make is chicken noodle - such a classic. 6) My monthly food costs, combination of grocery costs and dining out costs, is soooooo much lower. For a household of two, we spend less than $400 a month on food costs. 7) I know how to stretch food into leftovers. As of today, I have only had to make lunch for myself four times in the past two weeks. 8) I like sharing my recipes with my friends and family. Of course this comes with the warning that I primarily cook based on smell and taste. 9) I find myself watching the Food Network or on cooking websites more often. This prevents me from endlessly searching for b.s. happening on Facebook. 10) I have learned more about myself and feel a sense of confidence that extends beyond the kitchen. I feel like I dress better, can explain my research better, and have began to lose the self-edification behavior of second-guessing and saying I can't. I am now a better person because I can and I want to cook and bake from scratch.
As a teenager and in my early 20's I would scarf down whatever sat in front of me that was salty, high in sugar or high in fat. Something happened after I moved from the South to Colorado for grad school. I gained weight and was depressed. I suspect that both were the primary result of that grad school plague, and particularly the Ph.D. plague, of constantly wondering why you made such a bad life decision. It took 2 years and a bought of sickness that lasted 7 months but I finally got my act together and started realizing that short cuts in cooking were killing the pleasure of food and were perhaps adding to my waistline. So, I made a decision to avoid pre-made, processed food that allowed for quick dinners and short cuts to eating. From that point forward, for my mental and physical health, I would join in on the slow food movement and eat minimally processed foods. In other words, if I was going eat cake, I was going to make it myself. If I was going to eat anything deep fried, then I was going to figure out how to do it and be responsible for cleaning up the mess. This was the most liberating decision I have ever made. It was more liberating than leaving behind my family and everything I have ever know and venturing 1,500 miles away from home with the mere promise of a TA position and tuition coverage.
It's now been a year and half since I made this decision a number of things have changed. 1) I am now smaller than what I was a year ago. I have only lost 5 pounds in fat but gained 8 pounds in muscle. I am now a lean muscle machine that lost approximately 15-18 inches on my body. I must admit I now like watching myself dance in the mirror. 2) I don't miss 99.9% of the "short cut" foods or take out from fast food places. In fact, eating fast food make me feel sick now. I would much rather chow down on a salad or soup than a hamburger or French fries. Go figure. 3) I have became much more saavy baker. I can now bake a variety of cakes, pies, and cookies from scratch and in high altitude. I was originally discouraged because a number of high altitude disasters, such as the center of the cake falling or horrible texture, but now can bake items that are the equivalent to store bought confections. 4) My spice variety has increased exponentially. This means less cabinet space but at least my cooking is bad ass. My current obsession is fennel seed. 5) I found out I love soup and stews. I always hated the canned variety and found more restaurant soups to be bland. Now I have a recipe repertoire bulging on over 30 varieties. My favorite to make is chicken noodle - such a classic. 6) My monthly food costs, combination of grocery costs and dining out costs, is soooooo much lower. For a household of two, we spend less than $400 a month on food costs. 7) I know how to stretch food into leftovers. As of today, I have only had to make lunch for myself four times in the past two weeks. 8) I like sharing my recipes with my friends and family. Of course this comes with the warning that I primarily cook based on smell and taste. 9) I find myself watching the Food Network or on cooking websites more often. This prevents me from endlessly searching for b.s. happening on Facebook. 10) I have learned more about myself and feel a sense of confidence that extends beyond the kitchen. I feel like I dress better, can explain my research better, and have began to lose the self-edification behavior of second-guessing and saying I can't. I am now a better person because I can and I want to cook and bake from scratch.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Getting Dough to Rise in a Cold House
I found out a number of things this past summer about my pizza making skills. I found out how to make garlic crust, whole wheat crust, and this delicate blend of deliciousness that is grilled pizza dough. However, now that temperatures in the day only occasionally reach the 50's, I'm finding it difficult to get the dough to rise for my pizza crusts. My rental house doesn't have central heat and running base board heaters is way too expensive. So, during the winter we keep ourselves warm by staying in sweats or moving around. For my dough, neither of these are an option. Nor is a mildly warm oven. My oven overall sucks. The lowest temp I can get is 170 and last time I did this I slowly baked my dough, which was super gross. But today I felt like I had a real stroke of genius. I placed the dough in a glass bowl, covered it with plastic, and stuck the lid on it. I then sat it on my glass top cooking surface of my oven. I didn't place it on an eye but about 4-5 inches from the base of one of the larger eyes in the back left side. I then turned said back left eye on high and let the heat rise into the air and warm the glass top. I left it on for about 10-20 seconds and did this every 30 minutes for 2 hours. The dough rose up like it was summertime and I finally can enjoy wintertime pizza. Success!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
I Don't Do Extreme Couponing But I Do Price-Matching
I know several people that are into discount shopping and extreme couponing. They are experts are saving money and getting exactly what they want. However, I am not necessarily down to spending a lot of my free time trying to figure out how to get shampoo and the like for nearly nothing. I figured that I have a job (though as a grad student it doesn't pay much) and that my time can better be spent increasing my knowledge or working on my dissertation. So, instead of extreme couponing I price match.
Yes, I am one of those people that shop at Wal-Mart. Do I care about the stigma? Hell no. To be honest, my local Wal-Mart is not only closer than a traditional chain grocery store but it is also significantly cleaner than the King Soopers I would have to drive an extra mile in town traffic to get to. I never feel like I am going to contract an infectious disease from other shoppers and the food doesn't look like it is being kept in on E.Coli infected shelves. (Also, the parking lot at Wal-Mart is less dangerous, too.)So, hell yes to shopping at Wal-Mart...at least where I live.
I have a 45-minute food shopping strategy. I first outline weekly meal plan. I account for breakfasts, lunches, and dinner. Typically, I write down the most details for dinner since this is the primary meal that I will prepare and I have to account for how to cook for just two people. I then do a quick look into my pantry and refrigerator to see what items I have or will need to get soon. I compile a shopping list in the order in which I will travel around the store. I have a freakish mental map of Wal-Mart and can tell you where all my needed items are located. I start from front (the deli) and work my way back (dairy). As a final step, I go through local ads on-line to see what items I need may be cheaper elsewhere. I typically don't buy name brand anything else there is a good sale or coupons to make it even lower than generic. (Side Note: I found that Malt-O-Meal cereals will always be cheaper than name brand and store brand. The bonus is that I prefer Malt-O-Meal's Honey Nut Scooters to Honey-Nut Cheerios.) I mark all items on my shopping list that can be price matched. I include the store of price matching, sizes (e.g. ounces, each, lb.), and price. These is the necessary info in order to price match. You never have to have the ad in hand.
What I have found is that some cashiers will have to pull on the notebook of ads to confirm your price match. Others, and these are my favorite because it prevents dirty looks from people behind you, will take your word as long as you have it written out and indicate the store. Since I am regularly in Wal-Mart, I have a tendency to go to the cashiers that won't have to question my price match. I get why some will check. It's unfortunate that some people are willing to lie.
A Note on Coupons: Wal-Mart will allow you to use coupons on price matched items. Just last week I price matched two cans of shaving cream for a $1.50 each (Wal-Mart's price $2.50). I then used a manufacturer's coupon that allowed you to save a $1.50 on two cans of shaving cream. This meant that I not only saved $2 by price matching but an extra $1.50 by using the coupon.
Yes, I am one of those people that shop at Wal-Mart. Do I care about the stigma? Hell no. To be honest, my local Wal-Mart is not only closer than a traditional chain grocery store but it is also significantly cleaner than the King Soopers I would have to drive an extra mile in town traffic to get to. I never feel like I am going to contract an infectious disease from other shoppers and the food doesn't look like it is being kept in on E.Coli infected shelves. (Also, the parking lot at Wal-Mart is less dangerous, too.)So, hell yes to shopping at Wal-Mart...at least where I live.
I have a 45-minute food shopping strategy. I first outline weekly meal plan. I account for breakfasts, lunches, and dinner. Typically, I write down the most details for dinner since this is the primary meal that I will prepare and I have to account for how to cook for just two people. I then do a quick look into my pantry and refrigerator to see what items I have or will need to get soon. I compile a shopping list in the order in which I will travel around the store. I have a freakish mental map of Wal-Mart and can tell you where all my needed items are located. I start from front (the deli) and work my way back (dairy). As a final step, I go through local ads on-line to see what items I need may be cheaper elsewhere. I typically don't buy name brand anything else there is a good sale or coupons to make it even lower than generic. (Side Note: I found that Malt-O-Meal cereals will always be cheaper than name brand and store brand. The bonus is that I prefer Malt-O-Meal's Honey Nut Scooters to Honey-Nut Cheerios.) I mark all items on my shopping list that can be price matched. I include the store of price matching, sizes (e.g. ounces, each, lb.), and price. These is the necessary info in order to price match. You never have to have the ad in hand.
What I have found is that some cashiers will have to pull on the notebook of ads to confirm your price match. Others, and these are my favorite because it prevents dirty looks from people behind you, will take your word as long as you have it written out and indicate the store. Since I am regularly in Wal-Mart, I have a tendency to go to the cashiers that won't have to question my price match. I get why some will check. It's unfortunate that some people are willing to lie.
A Note on Coupons: Wal-Mart will allow you to use coupons on price matched items. Just last week I price matched two cans of shaving cream for a $1.50 each (Wal-Mart's price $2.50). I then used a manufacturer's coupon that allowed you to save a $1.50 on two cans of shaving cream. This meant that I not only saved $2 by price matching but an extra $1.50 by using the coupon.
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